Whether to give birth to a second child: understand the desires

In general, I have always been lucky with curious people. So at that time, when I came to get registered at the antenatal clinic, the talkative lady in the queue in front of the office asked if I was here for the pregnancy? Without waiting for questions about the age, the number of children, I immediately answered: “I am 38. Waiting for the fourth. Moreover, there is a fourth cesarean section. There are no assistants in the form of grandparents. I work. All the time. The lady's jaw literally dropped from surprise. Together with her, all the other girls in the line quieted down.

I got used to such surprised eyes all nine months of pregnancy. Yes, there are four children in my family. I can not say that I always dreamed of having many children. After the birth of the first child about the second did not even want to think. Long six years was decided on the second child. Then another 10 years passed before the birth of the third. For the fourth went three years later.

But the most difficult thing for me was deciding on the birth of the second baby. Therefore, it does not surprise me when a woman asks this question and seeks an answer to it, putting together the opinions of her acquaintances, strangers, scientists, psychics, financiers, household doctors, into one whole.

I always wondered what the statistics said. And according to Rosstat, today there are about 1.6 children for every married woman of reproductive age. That is, a typical family is a family with one or two children.

The reasons for which women are not in a hurry for the second child are familiar to me, understandable and obvious. First, it is a difficult first birth, complications of the postpartum period. Secondly, poor housing conditions of the family and insufficient material support. These reasons are universal for all families, although there are rare, almost "exotic" reasons for not giving birth anymore - the fear of spoiling the figure, for example.

There are many more reasons for having a second baby. And the main one is the great love and joy that you will see in the eyes of a new person, if you give him life ... But this, too, as they say, is an amateur.

If you're at a crossroads, and in doubt, let's be frank. No offense, hypocrisy and lofty common truths. Such an honest female conversation ...

To begin with, let's weigh the pros and cons of the birth of the second baby.

Noble call, no dispute. Moreover, it really needs to be improved, because, despite all state support measures, benefits and benefits, until the Russians are born, it is still less than dying. The argument “against” will sound somewhat cynical: “Humanity will not die out!”. Will explain. Today, the number of earthlings has exceeded 7 billion people. Scientists estimate that by 2100 there will be 11 billion of us. This is a tendency to overpopulation, not extinction.

There is an opinion, and its doctors do not in any way refute that the female body is rejuvenated and renewed, gets a "second wind" after childbirth. A woman who decides to give birth again prolongs her youth. Moreover, medicine is now at a fairly high level, and if there is reason to believe that labor will be difficult and unsuccessful, there is always the possibility of performing a cesarean section.

And now attention - a fly in the ointment! "The second youth" from the very first days will require you to wear life.Sleepless nights, problems with lactation, colic and cutting teeth. All the "joys" of motherhood are coming to you once more. Ready?

It is believed that having a second child has a terrific psychological effect on family members. They even more rally, because mom and dad in the second degree - it sounds proud! What to hide, most women believe in their hearts, although they never admit that the second baby is a kind of guarantee that the family will not fall apart. It happens, of course, and so.

It is believed that the second child will help your firstborn not to become an egoist. It is known that a number of psychological problems, such as fear, hysteria, manipulation of parents, are peculiar to the only children in the family. The birth of a brother or sister will have a positive effect on the character of the first child. Any psychologist will agree with this.

The argument against: often spoiled first-born children perceive the birth of a second child negatively. He is a competitor for them. Firstborn suffer, daily fighting for parental attention and love. Thrills you provided.

You already know what bathing and massage are, feeding and walking. Care will be given to an experienced mom much easier than with the firstborn. This is a big plus in raising a second child. The argument against - the complexity will have to go through again, plus the problems of your first child will be added to them. And he, too, is ill, behaves badly, needs attention.

In a number of laws of Russia, fathers who have two or more children are given certain preferences - they will not be taken to the army, sent to “hot spots”, they will lower income tax. The argument against - giving birth to a child due to mercantile reasons is at least indecent.

In 2018, it amounts to 4,53026 rubles. The family will be able to spend these funds to improve housing conditions, to educate one of the children, or to increase the funded part of the mother’s pension. Useful thing. Arguments against: the same as in the previous paragraph.

Grandmothers and grandfathers will be happy to have another grandchild or granddaughter born, and friends who have 2–3 children in their families happily open their arms - “welcome to the club.” But if the desire to have a second child is dictated only by looking at the opinions of friends and relatives, think again. Opinions change every day, and the child is for life.

To make an informed decision whether to have a second child, try to calm down and bring your thoughts into line with your feelings.

If the husband insists on having a second child, but you are not ready yet, do not rush to give him promises. Tell me honestly that you need to sort out this issue. This will indicate your serious attitude towards the birth of a new person.

Weigh all the details - financial opportunities, prospects for improvement of living conditions, think, who could help you in caring for babies, if you suddenly fall ill. Ideally, if you have a job, a stable income (albeit small), your own living space.

Analyze family traditions. Not only his, but also the family of the spouse. How many children were in different generations?

Get tested by a gynecologist. Does your health allow you to have a second child?

Do not let push yourself. Do not allow anyone to rush you in making a decision and do not discuss this issue with outsiders.

When making an important decision about the birth of the second baby, be honest with yourself.And do not forget to cross out in the list of “for” and “against” all “against” if love and respect, understanding and benevolence reign in your family if you and your spouse want to feel the joy of fatherhood and motherhood again. Believe me, love and tenderness are much more expensive than any material values ​​and high incomes.

Whether to give birth to a second child is a question you must answer yourself. You and your spouse. If you come to the conclusion that you want another toddler, from this moment dismiss any doubts, do not listen to anyone. You decided so. Your right to be a mother again. And this choice is worthy of respect.

Sometimes the pursuit of social order gets a woman far away - while the family stockpiles of finances and solves housing issues, a woman unwittingly comes to 35 years of age.

After 35 years, even if you really want a child, the chances of becoming pregnant in women are several times less than in 20-30 years of age. And after 40 years, the risks of congenital abnormalities and genetic mutations of the fetus increase significantly. Is it worth risking the health of the baby because of the solution of domestic issues? If you want a second, give birth without a doubt! While age and health allow to do this.

And let the happy children's laughter sound in your house as long as possible!

In the following video you will learn how to overcome the five common types of fear of having a second child from the experience of a large family.

At the same time, if you do not want to give birth to a second baby, do not do it. In the following video, clinical psychologist Veronika Stepanova will tell you about the consequences of an undesired decision, including if a woman tries to keep her husband in the family with her second child.

If you are afraid jealousy between children, watch the following video, in which psychologist Natalia Kholodenko tells by examples how parents should behave in different everyday situations.